Umm Sulaim's Thoughts

Thoughts Lead To Appreciation


What is your main criterion for choosing a life partner?

A – Affluence = Lucrative earnings, inheritance

B – Buoyancy = Family brand, social prominence

C – Conduct = Religion, respect, privacy, compassion

D – Dissimilarity level = Race, ethnicity, age, lifestyle, education, employment (Some women avoid any man with similar academic background, fearing an employment stagnation or retrenchment in that field will financially paralyse the family.)

We are taught the four major stimulating factors that influence people’s choice of a life companion are: affluence, family background, beauty and Religion.

We are advised to base our choice on Religion, and cautioned against placing priority on any other factor.

More than fourteen centuries later, affluence still outweighs the other factors.

This evening [1], I encountered a live reminder of the stereotype of the woman interested only in an already established and successful man.

It is stereotypically true, but does not account for the significant number of women who are not after a man’s wallet.

I should disclose the conversation was with women from non-Muslim backgrounds; one is a non-Muslim and the other is a Muslim by marriage.

Nevertheless, the discussion is representative of the mentality of Muslim women in certain communities.

In any case, during the interaction, one woman stated the preference was for a woman to have a man who will financially take care of her.

The second woman supported that with a preference for an older man.

Most middle-aged men hold advanced positions in corporations. Younger men have, only recently, embarked on their journey up the financial ladder.

An older man signifies an expansive bank account and a financially stress-free life.

I expect my akada (readers) wish to learn my criterion.

Well, here it is: RESPECT. You ought to have seen that coming.

The first woman, condescendingly, mentioned another imaginary or real woman who insists on a younger man.

“If he has respect.” I contributed.

Older men are usually more respectful than younger ones, especially in this region.

“Many younger men lack respect.” I continued.

Both women were, initially, astonished.

I would imagine they would wonder, “Respect? Will she eat respect? Will respect put food on the table?”

Allah feeds me. I need no man for that purpose.

In fact, 14 years ago, I resolved that any husband of mine who boasts of feeding me will find himself in a divorce suit.

Yes, a bulging bank account will facilitate the implementation of a few projects I have nursed.

However, without respect, I become another miserable and abandoned housewife, not to mention the man may be stingy at moments when I need his generosity.

From the male perspective, a man usually seeks an obedient woman.

A woman should enquire his definition of obedience: dog-style, military-style, or friend-style.

Another major criterion for many men is the woman’s productivity of ova!

Yes, men are to marry prolific and fertile women.

The situation has reached when a man, consciously and loudly, calculates the number of child-bearing years a woman has left in her!

I, actually, experienced that. AlHamduliLlah, I wear a Niqab, so the man did not observe the “Are you serious?” look I gave him.

I, confidently, announce to suitors I do not have children nor was I pregnant – to the best of my knowledge – during my previous marriage.

For about ten years of his life, the Messenger of Allah lived with, loved and enjoyed the company of upto nine women, none of whom bore him any child.

Most men I have met do not mind the probability of being childless, because they already have children from another marriage.

I am aware of caring and considerate men who can and do live with, love and keep their wife company even in the absence of a baby’s playful voice in the home.

Some men prefer an intelligent and independent woman.

Those are men who have no insecurity issues regarding a successful woman.

Unfortunately, many men are intimidated by a powerful woman.

Mamas! Just calm his nerves! Tell him you bite a little, chew much, but do not swallow! He has no reason to fear!

What is your specific criterion for your adorable companion?

[1] Islamic timing: Friday night, i.e. the night preceding Friday dawn. In other timing, Thursday night.


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This entry was posted on June 14, 2013 by in Endearing Relationship, Marriage and tagged , , .


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