Umm Sulaim's Thoughts

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SEXUALITY: Do Muslim Women Feel Sexy?

Inaugural Ball On Seal 2

One frequently reads Muslim women disparage non-Muslim women and men who exploit the beauty of a woman, for flaunting the body of women to men and for portraying women as sex toys.

Ironically, many of these Muslim women are themselves sex toys, except they do not get to enjoy sex nor do they exercise any choice over what happens to their body, much as they lack the capacity to demonstrate a desire to enjoy life, to be positive and to be proactive in their life.

As young girls, some Muslim women, in particular those from certain regions, are usually brainwashed with the perception that sex is dirty and immoral. A woman must not think of sex. This crude step is undertaken by parents who want to instill a sense of chastity in their young daughters. The virginity of a girl is family “honour”. Incidentally, these parents neglect to pass the same message of morality to their sons, whose illicit sexual exploits are dismissed with “That is the way boys are.”

By the time she is married and the doors to sexual satisfaction become wide open, these Muslim women have lost any interest in sexual matters beyond being a receptacle for male pleasure. Her body and even her naivity continue to be a man’s “honour”. I expect this is modesty for a Muslim woman. Everything that has nothing to do with modesty is modesty to these women.

On the other hand, a woman’s spouse is fully at ease with sexual matters and does not hesitate to order his spouse, even at awkward moments, into the bedroom to satiate his libido. His spouse must be available on-call on a 24-7 readiness state. Do Muslim men care whether their spouse enjoy nuptial intimacy to climax?

That should be a licence for their spouse to participate more and even assert her view on the format sexual intimacy takes. Some men do not want such assertiveness nor do these women. Both of these groups of men and women agree that the only part of a woman that should assert itself to a man is lodged between her legs. That part of her anatomy has the licence to speak.

Inaugural Kiss

Despite the current state of the sexuality of a Muslim woman, Islam teaches that a woman’s sexual needs must be fulfilled by her spouse. Many of our Ulema (Scholars), past and contemporary, are of the view that the sexual needs of a woman must be satisfied at least once every four days, with some Ulema maintaining that this minimum of once in four days is not accurate. The latter group of Ulema consider the satisfaction of a woman’s sexual needs the cornerstone for the establishment of marriage itself and as such must be carefully attended by her spouse whenever she so desires.

Should her spouse be away on a long trip, she has the right to request his return to fulfill his matrimonial role to which he must respond unless he is conducting an obligatory act of worship such as Hajj (Pilgrimage). The sexual satisfaction of Muslim women by their spouse is so crucial to the sustainance of nuptial life that the Ulema stipulate that the neglect of this responsibility by a husband is sufficient ground for his spouse to seek a divorce from him.

However, can a Muslim woman initiate sexual intimacy with her spouse? Of course she can. Whether contemporary Muslim women do so or not is another matter. I can imagine that a good number of Muslim women will not even dream of performing sexual overtures to her spouse. Modesty. Yes. My guess is that modesty dictates a woman be the sex toy and not the sex initiator. She is not to be sexually assertive either. A Muslim woman who dares assert her wishes and desires risks being labelled modern or western, although our female Pious Predecessors, notably the female Companions of my Prophet were very assertive.

Michelle And Jill

Can a Muslim woman enjoy sex? A billion dollar question. Modesty! Modesty! When will Muslim women understand you, Modesty? Sex is just about as mechanical as any act gets. The spouse comes home, she serves him his dinner. He summons her to the bedroom and lies on top of her to do his thing, gets up and attends to his life. The woman is left on top of the secretion wondering, “That was quick!” Ouch! Or the man dozes off immediately afterwards and she gets up to cleanse herself of his “Ooooh!” moment. Double “Ouch!”

Mind you, this in no way means Muslim women do not take good care of their bodies, for some surely do with much pressure to quit attending to their bodies and concentrate on achieving more mechanical acts of worship. Muslim women are interested in looking and feeling sexy. Cosmetics are among the fastest growing industries in Muslim countries. Several Muslim women have fitness programs to maintain their health and keep in shape. These may be the minority. It is however worth a smile that there are Muslim women who are proud of their body.

Nuptial sexual relation is meant to be fully enjoyed and is one of those rare and meritorious engagements that earns both spouses rewards from Allah, during which a couple is not to mention Allah’s Name, though some individuals non-Muslims especially are known for their “Oh God” exclamations at orgasm. Desist you naughty heathens!

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7 comments on “SEXUALITY: Do Muslim Women Feel Sexy?

  1. Leila
    December 22, 2012

    Omg! At long last a blog about Islam and Muslim women that says ‘it’ how it is! I thoroughly enjoyed reading this post… And a few others. It was as though you crept into my mind and typed my private thoughts away. Thank you! Your views are so well balanced. Keep up the good work… You’ve got me hooked. 🙂 Peace, Leila.

    Edited: The name section was modified to comply with the comments guidelines.

    Umm Sulaim

    • Umm Sulaim
      December 22, 2012

      You are fully welcomed to my world, Leila.

      Do not forget to follow my blog to receive alerts on the latest articles right in your email inbox.

      Like and share posts for a wider coverage and invite your friends.

      More people need to see the life of a Muslim precisely as it is without the sugar-coating and definitely without the crocodile tears.

      Welcome to my world.

      The one and only,

      Umm Sulaim

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  4. Michael
    January 9, 2014

    I find it sad reading blogs about muslim womens complaints in the bedroom, especially since Islam 1400 years ago emphasised mutual pleasure and foreplay.

    Men who have a holier than though attitude bemuse me – unfortunately its lack of education and thats where the scholars need to come in. as you pointed out women are equally guilty of hiding their desires and being timid in some cases.

    I’m hoping to challenge some of these taboos in my blog – its frustrating how Islam is so forward looking but us muslims hold it back.

    Islam wants you to enjoy life, enjoy sex and have fun, in a responsible way – with your partner husband or wife – so go nuts, get freaky if you want to lick each others armpits who cares its your life and your bedroom!! dont do yourself and Islam injustice.

    My heart goes out to all the women suffering from frustrations and I pray god eases their path.

    Edited: The name section was edited to comply with the comments policy.

    The one and only,

    Umm Sulaim

    • Umm Sulaim
      January 9, 2014

      Welcome to my world.

      I appreciate your contribution.

      Indeed there is a major gap between Islam and what many Muslims promote.

      I encourage you to tackle any issue Muslims consider taboo.

      The one and only,

      Umm Sulaim

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