Thoughts Lead To Appreciation
In this third part of the JEWELS OF LOVE, we learn much from the life of another happily wedded Muslim woman.
The nuptial life of A.E.M is a motivation to all independent and confident women. A.E.M lives her life fully without the need for spousal permissions and consents at every step in her endeavours, with the full support of her husband.
This is so unusual for a Muslim woman that unless one shuns the manipulative influence of self-doubting, negative, passive and psychologically minor women who rely on their husband’s approvals and decisions for very basic choices, one would err to believe that A.E.M’s marriage has failed to complete half of her Religion.
Indeed A.E.M’s Religion is not only half-full but also overflowing, for a woman receives abundant opportunities to nurture and develop her Iman (Faith) profusely when the base, her home, is peaceful and welcoming to spiritual growth.
Her independence and freedom means that on the one hand, she does not spend much time with her lover. However, A.E.M considers this an advantage as her spouse would not want a clingy female for a wife nor would she want an insecure male for a husband.
As with the average marriage, A.E.M’s marriage has encountered difficulties, which she and her spouse present to Allah for rectification. They give each other enough room to calm down and ponder over the incident and they shower each other with forgiveness, for they both possess a forgiving heart.
Another striking feature of A.E.M’s love life is that any setback that lacks a mutually amicable solution is left unsolved. After a detailed discussion, the couple mutually agree on the most logical and Islamically acceptable resolution. That is consultation and consideration in action.
The support A.E.M receives from her lover is observable in her cheerful nature and open-mindedness, for no woman will extend positivity to individuals outside her home if her base is ablaze.
A.E.M and her spouse treat their parents-in-law as second parents. They both treat the other’s parents the way they wanted their own parents to be treated. A.E.M describes her deceased mother-in-law as a gift from Allah, an indication of the warm relationship that existed between them.
A.E.M’s spouse loved her departed father dearly as his own father. Both father- and son-in-law enjoyed each other’s company. Her lover treats her mother with deserved respect. A.E.M regards the way she and her spouse treat each other’s parents as a binding principle and a sign of the way they wish to be treated by their own daughters- and sons-in-law.
None of you believes until he loves for another what he loves for himself. ~> Muhammad the Messenger of Allah
At the inception of their marital experience, each spouse expected a particular behaviour from the other. A.E.M desired a marriage of mutual respect, understanding and freedom, where each spouse lives a full and engaging life. Her spouse was more inclined to the traditional ‘abandon your wife until you need her’, with the husband as the domineering and controlling spouse.
There were some serious adjustments to undergo; A.E.M expressed her opinions that such was not the marriage she sought and that each spouse should maintain a degree of independence and freedom. This initially did not go down well with her spouse, who eventually reasoned that such was acceptable, as he was ill-disposed to the idea of a dependent woman.
A.E.M’s matrimonial home of three decades is perfect for their lifestyle and is bustling with gorgeous and lovely children, and 13 of them too. I was totally amazed when I first learnt A.E.M has 13 run-about children in the home and still maintains a graceful countenance. This can only be possible if she has the support of the one person who really matters in her home: her spouse. They are a firm pillar for each other.
Hers is an attractive marriage. Her time with her spouse is spent travelling together, though not as often as she would want. The couple also engaged in some gardening until the health of her spouse deteriorated. She has considered taking up martial arts to boost spousal quality time, when she does get into a much better shape.
A.E.M has this sound advice for others:
Each spouse must respect his/her other half. Do not compare your spouse to another person’s spouse. Do not compare your relationship to that of others. It does not matter what others do in their home; if it does not make you happy in your home, then drop it like a bad habit!
Leave others to live as they believe and in the way that makes them happy and pursue what is good between you and your spouse. Another couple may find happiness in staying home and watching TV, you may find happiness in going out or travel or adventure. You have to find what you like and what you like about each other.
Do not be distracted by others, even other family members who try to put their standards onto your life. If what you like or what makes you happy differs from even that of your brothers, sisters, or parents, do what you like, and do not feel the need to justify it. Just be happy with what makes you happy and express that to them.