Umm Sulaim's Thoughts

Thoughts Lead To Appreciation


An online discussion that began on an Aayah of the Qur’an that talked about the superiority of a man over a woman, a topic I shall discuss, In Sha Allah (With Allah’s Will) in the very near future, descended into ‘men must be obeyed’.

Note:  This discussion was between women; no men.  I emphasize this to make readers understand that Muslim women do ask for what they get and are not the ‘oppressed by men’ women they project to the world; a point I have maintained throughout my writings.

A commenter quoted several Ahadeeth (words of my Prophet) to buttress her position that ‘a woman must obey her husband’ but failed to quote a single Hadeeth that stress the good treatment of women by their husband.  An ignorant person reading that would think the same as many Muslims and non-Muslims: That a Muslim woman is a dog on a leash.

On her reference to making the ‘life of someone’s son sour’, I answered:

That mentality might explain why men get on with their life as usual and women moan about being unappreciated.  Ironically I have no idea what women mean by being unappreciated.  I INSIST on being appreciated.  I am very happy with my life.

She went further to quote an Imam that women gain their husband’s attention and get their husband to consider their needs by crying whenever she asks him for something; the tears will move the husband to give her what she wants.

In response, I wrote:

That may be why I will remain unmarried because if men expect me to become ‘emotional’ only when I need something they have the wrong woman.  I am a deeply emotional woman and that was why we had a row over my seeking a prince instead of a psycho.  Being emotional is my natural disposition and not just when I want something.  I cry a lot, but I will not be a game-player and use tears to get what I want for the same reason I will not use sex to get what I want.

She further stated quoting the Imam that a woman cannot get what she wants by acting like a man.  My reply:

And I don’t know what is meant by ‘acting like a man’.  If being assertive and knowing what I want and addressing my lover as a friend instead of a heartless mad man comes under that, again I will remain single for a while yet.

Another woman objecting to her opined that perhaps those women mistreated and kicked out by her husband failed to cry.  I agreed:

A husband abandoning his pregnant wife in labour or ignoring his wife who has just given birth to attend to his friends and his mother all come under the husband’s rights.  Or perhaps THE WIFE ACTED LIKE A MAN BY BEING IN LABOUR!  I do agree with you that both men and women do not know the difference between rights and wrongs.

This discussion shows two kinds of Muslim men and women:
1)    Game-players and crocodile-tears shedders.
2)    Straight-forward individuals who consider their spouse without the crocodile tears.

I know many Muslims fall into the first group.

I still recall a serious row my dear friend had with her husband because she dressed up to look good and her lover thought she wanted something from him.  I am glad there are still Muslim men and women who are not game-players and who are not interested in crocodile tears.

That is the kind of man I seek, until then I remain single.  My dear A E M, we need real men in our club, not those who expect us to shed fake tears to gain our husband’s attention.

It is the preponderance of pretenders and men who encourage such pretence that make some men misunderstand when their wife is hurt and is crying for real.
And for that reason, I truly doubt I will marry a Muslim man again.  I cannot stand them.  I will rather remain single.

Some women applauded her position.  But, ALHAMDULILLAH, there were other women who want to see a happy Muslim marriage, where the wife can address her husband with genuine love, care and concern and receive the same.

A woman made a very beautiful observation reminding me of Maryam who raised Eesa (Jesus) all alone.  Agreeing, I said:

Marriage is not a do-or-die affair.  I refuse to be treated like a dog. A man who wants a dog should marry one.  I recall 12 years ago all the noise that I should marry. I did and thought, “Is this the marriage?  I am out of here!”

She continued:

Allah created man and woman from the same soul.  Whatever kind of relationship, it should be reciprocal.  Finally, love between each other should be an ending point.

I agreed:

That is just it.  That is why I talk much about COMPATIBILITY. Men who are pretenders should marry pretenders.

The problem is that unless you have spent much time discussing with a man, you have no idea what he thinks of a woman – pretender or real. That is why I am proud of my club The Diamond Club.


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Love from Nigeria to the world.

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