Umm Sulaim's Thoughts

Thoughts Lead To Appreciation

THE BATTLE OF THE SEXES. Part Two: The Refutation Of Behavioural Hypocrisy

Previously, we discussed maleness from the eyes of the average Muslim woman and the hostility she exhibits towards interactions between individuals of opposite genders.

The extent to which intrusive individuals are determined to impose their personal beliefs on others is manifested when such women hold positions of authority.

A few months ago, a statement was issued to censor interactions between opposite genders.  The letter went further to instruct the community not to share their email addresses with the opposite gender.  While others chorused the usual “Aameen” to the Du’a (Supplication) that marked the end of the pronouncement, I enquired the reasons behind the statement.

The response was that students had complained of such interactions.  I was not the only one incensed.  A woman protested that those who do not want to observe such interactions should simply abstain from mixed-gender groups.  I added my opposition and made clear that those who are more comfortable in their glass cases should remain there and should not obstruct the interactions of the rest of us.

The response of the moderators was to unplug the entire conversation.  AlhamduliLlah (Praise is to Allah), Allah provided two more opportunities for me to give them a piece of my mind.  No one should treat us as minors and silence us.  Women cannot afford to remain silent while others gradually erode our life into a tasteless existence.

In refutation of the personal beliefs of these women and their male supporters, there is no prohibition against male-female interactions.  There is however severe warnings against those who engage in gossip and back-biting, two trademarks – in addition to intimidation and gang- running – of those who demand the rest of us comply with their intrusions into our affairs.

The Prophet and his Sahaba (Companions) interacted with women who were neither their wives nor their relations (mahram).  Throughout Islamic civilization, such interactions existed within the provisions of the Sharee’ah, until women chose that their voices and their very existence were not to be witnessed by a man and that any woman who fails to comply be murdered for violation of a man’s ‘honour’!

Dishonour murders, as it aptly should be called for any man who ties his honour to a woman’s bra let alone takes pride in the murder of a woman has no semblance of honour, is the enforcement of this no-male zone on women and girls, the same women who are the mothers of the men; talk of a woman giving birth to her oppressor.

I shall not delve into the non-sexist nature of dishonour murder in this article.  Sufficient are these words: women are neck-deep in the encouragement and enforcement of such anti-women practices and cultures.

How does a woman consider interactions with good men disrespectful to her person when the same woman insists on not knowing the difference between her right hand and her left without the permission of a man?

Within the Sharee’ah, the discouragement of male-female interactions is to prevent illicit sexual relations which are deplorable and of immense consequences to an individual’s Faith.  Shaytan (satan) continuously strives to mislead humanity, but achieves his aim only with the active cooperation of humanity.

Simply put:  Whoever fears for herself should not proceed with such interactions.  The problem is that such women do not stop there but go further to harass other women into compliance.

Speaking of shaytan, where was he and his tribe of menace when Aishah our mother and the wife of the Prophet was stranded alone with a man?  Was shaytan on vacation?  Was he relaxing on a beach in Hawaii getting a tan?  Where was he that he missed the opportunity – assuming that our actions are merely the actions of shaytan – to cause the worst crisis in human history?  He was busy as usual, but this time he did not disturb Aishah or her male companion.  Shaytan sought comfort in the minds of those who insinuated that man plus woman necessarily equals sex.

And why did that male Companion of the Prophet assist her when he observed her in the middle of the desert alone, assuming that man plus woman was necessarily equal to sex?  Why did he not leave her there and ride off to fetch her husband or her father Abu Bakr?  Why do we not read that in Ahadeeth books, so that by the time Aishah’s male relations returned for her they would have found her carried off into slavery by some adventurous Badu or devoured by a marauding lion?

Allah Himself exonerated our mother and her companion and by that all who are falsely accused of the unthinkable while He condemned those who did not keep their mouths shut and criticised those who heard of the slander but did not immediately reject it.

Allah Akbar!  Indeed Allah is The Greatest!

18 comments on “THE BATTLE OF THE SEXES. Part Two: The Refutation Of Behavioural Hypocrisy

  1. KalimatuLlah Yusuf
    September 12, 2012

    My dear sister! I beg to disagree with you on this score. As you yourself pointed out, Aisha was stranded. So, you can’t use her case to justify your position. To read the Scholars’ stand on this matter, go to and click on “Being alone with a non-mahram woman”. May Allah guide us all aright in our affairs and make it easy for us to submit our whims to His commands.

    • Umm Sulaim
      September 12, 2012

      Welcome to my world,

      Your disagreement has been noted.

      I tried to access the link but each time it messed up my browsing. If I am able I might try again later.

      My response to your disagreement is a question:

      Does Aishah’s predicament alter two facts –
      1) That she was alone with a man, and more significantly,
      2) That she did not have sexual relations with that man while they were alone?

      I suggest you re-read the article to fully understand its premise.

      Umm Sulaim

      • KalimatuLlah Yusuf
        September 13, 2012

        Rather the crux of the matter is the impermissibility of being in privacy with a strange person of the opposite sex (non-mahram). Do you agree with me on this (impermissibility)?

        • Umm Sulaim
          September 13, 2012

          That is not the discussion of this article. When I write on that we shall discuss that. Bear with me patiently please.

          Umm Sulaim

  2. Hamzah M
    September 13, 2012

    A grown up lady should marry as directed by Allah and the husband shall be her protector and maintainer. Therefore, mingling with opposite sex will be greatly reduced and where it is inevitable, a lady and man should not be found in the dark or black spots.

    (Q4 V 34) Men are the protectors and maintainers of women, because Allah has given the one more (strength) than the other, and because they support them from their means. Therefore the righteous women are devoutly obedient, and guard in (the husband’s) absence what Allah would have them guard. As to those women on whose part ye fear disloyalty and ill-conduct, admonish them (first), (Next), refuse to share their beds, (And last) beat them (lightly); but if they return to obedience, seek not against them Means (of annoyance): For Allah is Most High, great (above you all).

    Both sex must exercise great care and cautions to go into sin. They must fear Allah and transparently honest in their dealing.

    Islam has provided practical solutions to this topic and muslims who is guided by the Quran and Hadith will not be lost.

    Finally, we should be careful in passing fatwa on religious issues.


    Edited: This is the second time I have had to edit your name. If it occurs again, your comment will be deleted.

    Umm Sulaim

    • Umm Sulaim
      September 13, 2012

      First of all, who issued a Fatwa on Religious issues?

      Second, marriage is not compulsory in Islam nor is marriage to be forced on a woman for being an ADULT. If you have doubts regarding any of these, look for a Fatwa from renowned Ulema.

      Third, does marriage render a ‘grown lady’ nonexistent? Or do you propose she ceases to exist on marriage, and becomes yet another miserable abandoned woman?

      Umm Sulaim

      • Abu Aisha
        September 25, 2012

        (Q17V32) وَلَا تَقْرَبُوا الزِّنَا ۖ إِنَّهُ كَانَ فَاحِشَةً وَسَاءَ سَبِيلًا ﴿٣٢ – Nor come nigh to adultery: for it is a shameful (deed) and an evil, opening the road (to other evils). Discouraging unnecessary mingling between men and women especially in private places is what Islam supports and not total ban as you want us to belief to avoid adultery which is the bottom line according to Ayat quoted above.

        What ever that will lead to sin should be avoided and unnecessary mingling of both sexes encourage adultery as already witnessed even some times lead to rape.

        Ma ‘Salam


        Abu Aisha

        • Umm Sulaim
          September 26, 2012

          You really are hallucinating.

          The one and only,

          Umm Sulaim

  3. Abu Rijal
    September 19, 2012

    As salam alaykum,
    going through this write up, i think some points should be made clear. Speaking on behalf of Allah is a great matter that one should be careful about before entering into this ocean. Secondly, we should be careful of making general statements especially when supporting text is not presented. for example, “there is no prohibition against male-female interactions”. what of the prohibition of speaking to a married woman without her husband’s permission?

    Another one:
    Throughout Islamic civilization, such interactions existed within the provisions of the Sharee’ah, until women chose that their voices and their very existence were not to be witnessed by a man and that any woman who fails to comply be murdered for violation of a man’s ‘honour’!

    What are those provisions of the shareeah and when did women chose what you claimed they chose?

    maybe you can comment on the following ahadeeths
    Narrated AbuUsayd al-Ansari:

    AbuUsayd heard the Apostle of Allah (peace_be_upon_him) say when he was coming out of the mosque, and men and women were mingled in the road: Draw back, for you must not walk in the middle of the road; keep to the sides of the road. Then women were keeping so close to the wall that their garments were rubbing against it. (Abu Dawud)

    Narrated Um Salama:

    (the wife of the Prophet) In the lifetime of Allah’s Apostle the women used to get up when they finished their compulsory prayers with Taslim. The Prophet and the men would stay on at their places as long as Allah will. When the Prophet got up, the men would then get up. (Bukhari)

    • Umm Sulaim
      September 20, 2012

      Welcome to my world and thank you for your contribution.

      Even more grave is to speak on behalf of Allah under a false identity. Read the NOTE below for the response to ‘supporting text’.

      My response is a set of questions

      1) Why is the prohibition limited to married women?
      2) Why is the prohibition lifted with the husband’s permission?
      3) What happens when the husband grants his permission if not male-female interaction?

      You will find the provisions of the Sharee’ah in answers to the above questions and in the ruling on Hijab, plus in the very Ahadeeth you quoted.

      From my interactions with Muslims, it is clear that Muslims understand male-female interactions to mean when the man is sitting on a woman’s laps! Interactions do not have to be devoid of regulations, and in Islam ALL forms of interactions are regulated.

      This is not a chronology of events, your second question is invalid. But should you wish to ascertain the veracity of my words, you will have to find the answer by listening to women, YES, especially those who come from communities where such practices are common.

      NOTE: This blog is called Umm Sulaim’s Thoughts and I am well aware that my approach is strange to Muslims who are more accustomed to cut-and-paste Qur’an and Ahadeeth. There are very many of such Qur’an and Ahadeeth websites. There are also very many Muslims who enjoy such sites and who once disengaged from such promote clearly Haram practices, because their thoughts are not in line with their beliefs.

      I will stick to the original concept behind the creation of this blog and will limit quotations of the Qur’an and Ahadeeth and instead concentrate on my thoughts and reflections of the Qur’an and Ahadeeth.

      The one and only,

      Umm Sulaim

      • Abu Rijal
        September 25, 2012

        As salam alaykum,
        there is no false identity, this is just an email that one uses, just as you dont have a child called sulaim, i dont have a child called rijal, these are just names. Someone pointed out the site to me and i just went through and noted my comments.if they are not welcomed, that’s fine.
        We are not bothered in the least that we quote quran and hadeeths in so far as they are correctly quoted and are relevant to the matter. Why wouldn’t we quote them, they are the best words and source of guidance. If they are misinterpreted then say so. as for your questions then i say

        1) Why is the prohibition limited to married women?
        i do not see that the prohibition is limited to married women in the text that was quoted, it was about salah and no discrimination was made about marital status
        the hadeeth of Fadl looking at a woman while riding behind the Messenger shows that singles are also covered by the prohibition (unless we have misquoted or misinterpret)

        2) Why is the prohibition lifted with the husband’s permission?
        Regardless of question 1, when a woman marries, the husband is her protector, and that is what Allah said, so he should have a say in her affairs since he will be questioned about her as per hadeeth of the Messenger of Allah.

        3) What happens when the husband grants his permission if not male-female interaction?
        Responsible husband will grant permission when there is no reason to deny it

        As Salam Alaykum

        • Umm Sulaim
          September 26, 2012

          Wa alaykumus-Salam.

          I may not have a child called Sulaim, but I am known and identified as Umm Sulaim and Umm Sulaim appears in all of my official documentation. Can you be officially identified as Abu Rijal?

          The rest of your comment do not warrant a response as they are off the issue.

          The one and only,

          Umm Sulaim

  4. Abu Rijal
    September 26, 2012

    As salam alaykum,
    I said it is an email i use and i do not claim that it is my name, As for your not responding to the comment because they are of the issue, it’s your site/blog and you have control over what to do. What is of concern to me and others is the islam point of view and i have made my views known.

    No one has been appointed a manager over the other, but we do owe each other sincere advice.

    Have a very very nice day


    • Umm Sulaim
      September 26, 2012

      Your primary responsibility is to yourself.

      You owe yourself greater advice to read, THINK and understand. That will prevent unnecessary roundabout arguments, for you are back to my initial statement that you are under a false identity.

      The one and only,

      Umm Sulaim

  5. hurtige penge
    October 2, 2012

    Whats up very nice website!! Guy .. Excellent .. Amazing .. I will bookmark your website and take the feeds also¡KI am satisfied to search out so many useful information right here in the publish, we’d like work out more techniques on this regard, thanks for sharing. . . . . .

    • Umm Sulaim
      October 12, 2012

      Thank you very much and welcome to my world.

      The one and only,

      Umm Sulaim

  6. Pingback: OBEDIENCE TO THE HUSBAND « Umm Sulaim's Thoughts

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